I have discovered this Finnish (I think?) designer called Diana Orving. The pieces from her latest collection are dark, geometrically cut, and slightly skewed. This sweater is my fave; it looks like the wearer is sporting a dark flower on top. Her collection inspired me to think differently and to consider all. I'm so glad I have browsed the 'net lately and looked around at what people are wearing. I know, I know: fashion is not a necessity, right? Well, I think that it's a necessary as eating! I mean, how AWFUL do you feel when you have nothing at all to wear and end up having to sport those tired ass jeans you forgot about in the bottom of your jean drawer? It's like a black cloud is following you all day, and forget about looking into a mirror at all. You end up looking like shit and feeling like it as well. During the years '04-'07, I had NO interest in fashion. I was newly in love=complacent in fashion and pretty much how I looked in general! You know how real love just makes you feel beautiful, no matter what you have on? I was a true testament to that; I'd go to work wearing baby blue sweats and an old grey t-shirt and feeling like a million bucks! Well, I'm still silly in love, but I've come down off my cloud and am back in reality... and found I was dressed in last year's rags, looking like someone who don't give a damn. I've made a resolution to change that. I've decided that if you like what you are wearing, you actually feel better, have more confidence and people notice! Early this year I went to a REAL salon (my roomate Vanessa's) and got a REAL hair style by a REAL awesome hairdresser (sorry Junko!). I began buying inexpensive pieces at cheap-o stores and in the stalls at the alley downtown (SCORED there). I resumed a long ago hobby: accessorizing! It feels better and now I'm on a roll. By no means am I what you'd call a "well dressed woman" or hardly HIP in any way. But, I do take the time in the morning to look at what I'm pulling out of the dresser and off the couch (we live like animals) to adorn this bod. And while I may not look like I just stepped out of Vogue, I feel a helluva lot better than I did this time last year. I guess it all comes down to how you want the world to view you, and weather or not you care! I dare you: take out those strappy heels from the back of your shoe rack, drag out your peacock duds and take a look-see! My latest addiction is ebay... I warn you: if you are weak in the wallet, DON'T EVEN GO THERE! But really, it's amazing how many second hand (and new) designer pieces you can find there and actually end up owning. I am now the proud owner of a pair of 80's style Versace grey booties with all these cute straps and buckles in gold. Imagine that! I've promised myself this sweater you see posted above... and it doesn't seem so impossible anymore.

Real Love

If the first decade in the 21st century will be remembered for anything original, it will be for the reality show and the reality show competitions. Of course, reality television isn’t anything new, in fact, by now we can call it old hat. But the competition shows, whether they are for cash prizes or to”win love”, they are ruling the cable channels like never before. On of the more popular format is one that throws together a motley group of barely educated young people who are made to believe they want love with the grand prize. Young women and men arrive at, often, tackily decorated mansions in bright colored stretch Hummer limousines only to be lined up like cattle. They are then greeted by their prize, given the rules and layout of the game, sized up and, many times, given silly nicknames that will remain with them for the duration of their fifteen minutes. Contestants with names such as “So Hood” or “Pumkin” (sic) immediately fall in love with the prize, who is usually a fellow reality show personality from an earlier show, or a B-pop star in need of some serious exposure. These willing, young people are followed day and night by camera crews: in the restroom, in the kitchen while shoving processed food into mouths, and even in the bedrooms- never stopping rolling even when tops or bottoms are thrown off perfectly toned bodies in moments of passion. The producers of the shows make certain that every emotional outburst, one night stand, and fight are carefully taped and edited to show the public just who America’s young people are today. Is this not the scariest thing about it all? And even scarier, who are we? The ones who watch it all unfold, making sure to be home on Sundays at 9pm or being sure to set the Tivo, that’s who. Players of these games compete for grand prize with physical games and those geared toward endurance, sometimes they are made to display talent, embarrassing themselves and entertaining us at home! Towards the end of these types of reality show, the contestants are slowly weeded out, the ones who crack being sent home or those who just didn’t display enough “love” and who “aren’t there for the right reason”. The cameras are sure to capture their exit interview, often showing the eliminated at their worst: crying, regretful and expressing hateful sentiments toward the prize. The sad part of it all is that by this time, you feel badly for this person who wore his or her heart right on their forehead. The finale show always takes the last two contestants and their grand prize to some destination away from their “home” and the grand prize will spend one night with each woman or man to – test the waters? A winner is chosen, tears are shed and love is professed. But, the winners are then made to keep total distance from one another until the show has aired in its entirety, so as not to pop up in the tabloids and ruin the finale. All the show’s original cast is then brought on a “reunion show” where all the players are together again to voice their perspectives, regrets, and answer questions from a live audience. Most times, there is a physical fight where bodyguards carry off both parties; every time there are loud, raucous arguments where the women and men display severe control and anger issues. Rare it is when the winners endure the three or four month period when the show is airing. So who really wins? I’m not privy to all the insider details, but there must be compensation for anyone on any show, reality or other. They are also quasi-stars and must be noticed on the streets of Anytown, USA. But, still, I ask: who wins?

Saturdays

Recently, I have taken up facilitating a women's only group at work... it's, obviously, a recovery based group, but within Drug Court. It has been such a success so far. Last week was my first one- I had been preparing for it for two weeks and still was nervous. I had my rules and regulations printed out and also another little worksheet that explains what I plan to do with the group and then asking members for ideas of stuff we could do or topics we could speak on in future groups. It was an amazing group. I did some research on women and early abuse and it's relation to substance abuse problems later in life. Each woman took a turn and kind of told the others how whatever type of abuse they survived affected them. I even shared a little about myself- you know, trust. It was amazing, like I said, and I never expected them to respond like they did. When I returned to work on Tuesday after that group, I got praise from my boss. He said that a few of the women told him that the group was good and that they were greatful for it. I began to get more input from the women... they had more ideas about what we could do in the future. They were looking forward to some time away from the guys. It's exactly what I had in mind: a bit of time away from guys to let it all "hang out"... and that's just what it feels like. Since today we had a birthday, one of our clients brought in cake, myself and the facilitator from the men's group agreed that we'd cut our groups short half an hour and come together to meet and sing to our client. So, I decided that today was the perfect day for RECOVERY PICTIONARY!! I put the ladies in groups of three (and one had four), explained the rules of the game and we were off. It started off a bit slow, they didn't really GET it for a few minutes, but after they did: it was great! They had to try to draw things like "recovery", "dance" and "bra"!! It was funny and it was fun. I think only one person in the whole group didn't get a chance to draw, but she wasn't worried about it. I ended the group, like always, in the Serenity Prayer, all of us with joined hands; we then trooped downstairs to the men's group for our b-day celebration. I have to say- I didn't think I'd be much good as facilitator, but I am. I know that I still have a ton to learn, but these clients are amazing teachers, and willing enough. I am the greatful one here. Each week will be a new opportunity for me to help the women either learn something new, gain some knowledge, share and help their peers, laugh a bit and maybe even do some good in the community. Everyone wins.

Last weekend, Sam and I were lazing around watching telly and came across this documentary called "This Is The Life". I'm not sure who made it, or where it was shown and how many awards it's won, but I do know that it brought me back to the early 90's and made me feel love for rap music again. Seriously, how long has it been since I spoke those words, "I'll never again go to a rap concert or show"? It's been years, and I had that sentiment because of the awful thing that it's become. I feel that after, say, the 90's were over, so was rap. And, that is sad... but- this documentary made me turn back and see what made me love the music in the first place and reminded me that I can still love THAT music. I feel like my parents, when they used to turn around in the car while the classic rock radio station was blaring, they'd say, "Now this is real music, kids", and we would be in HELL... well folks: THIS is real music!!!!! I'm officially OLD. The new kids of today have no idea where hip hop began and the happy, hopeful and anti-misogynistic feelings that we used to enjoy from listening to lots of the artists that embodied the decade: Pharcyde, Roots, Jeru, and the ones who are showcased in this doc, Freestyle Fellowship. Ok, ok- I know, all 90's rap wasn't all happy-go-lucky, hunky dorey! Sure, life isn't all love and peace, but I think that everyone from my generation can, and will, agree that the general feeling was a good one.

The movie was about The Good Life Cafe out of Mid-City in the early 90's and all the artists that began their careers there and how they influenced the whole of their genre of music forever. All the players are there and they hold nothing back. It's all there: that hunger, the fear, the effort, the success and the lack of. It's a time machine and if you miss the old days, like I do, please go and rent this... or check out your TV Guide to see when it's going to be on next.

I have to admit: I wasn't and am not an expert on any type of music, I only know what I like and that's it...